So much weird and vexing news over the Independence Day weekend! First and foremost, Sarah Palin, wacky and intellectually challenged Governor of Alaska, resigned on Friday. Then there was a bunch of horrible rioting in China and stuff, but let's talk about Palin. What is going on here? From every account on the internet, the only thing that I can assume from her incredibly swift weekend departure is that there's some kind of trouble brewing somewhere, and she's getting out while the getting is good. The pit bull in lipstick decides to retire to care for her family? That sounds strangely unlikely. Life in public service and politics is not very conducive to raising small children...certainly she knew this and this can't be the first time a mother in office faced the very hard juggling act of family and post. Maverick individualist leaves office to pursue even greater opportunity in national politics? Sure, plausible. But quitting your day job in hopes of stardom doesn't really speak much to responsible decision making, and says even less about commitment to obligations, and says even less about being tough enough to see your term through to the (bitter) end.

Even weirder than her speedy departure was the interview her spokesperson gave to Anderson Cooper, where she talked that crazy "Palin speak" to tried and describe how the governor was leading by dropping out to accomplish her personal and political goals (????) and how the governor was weighing many offers for her future (???). I'm telling you, you have to be able to detach yourself completely from your intellect to understand the logic of Palin-speak. When Palin or her people start talking, you have to be ready to go into a murky trance, where anything you've ever known or believed about logic and transparency just don't apply. You may drool a little, your brow may furrow, your gaze will fix on some far away dream of a place where words actually mean what they mean and not the opposite of what they mean.

Here's one hazy-dazy statement, "I am now looking ahead and how we can advance this country together with our values of less government intervention, greater energy independence, stronger national security, and much-needed fiscal restraint," Sure...all things that Republicans like. Sounds almost reasonable taken line by line, even though I'm not sure who the "we" is that she refers to, but then she goes on, "How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it's about country. And though it's honourable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term ... for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make." OK, now we've left the path of reason for Crazy Town. In Crazy Town, words have meaning of rubber-like flexibility and imaginary scenarios are recalled as historical facts. It's fascinating. "Countless others"? I'm pretty sure we could count the others, there have been so few. "Higher calling"? What, pray tell, could this be? I'm sure it will be revealed and it will be awesome, but it does beg the question in this elusive statement. Honestly, I think the only reason she needs to care what "Washington" thinks of her actions is because anyone left there with an ounce of support for her, will now commence distancing themselves the way that people on a bus distance themselves from the unfortunate souls who pee their pants in public.

I'll tell you what makes me really, incredibly nervous, to the point where I stay awake at 2:00 in the morning plotting my escape from the Death Star: It's the certainty that she actually has an active political fan base. I'm not really threatened by the thought of thousands of military housewives and Bible belt matrons who love her for her folksy cookiness, sassiness, and fecundity. I'm terrified that there is a growing base of GOP good ole boys, oil and chemical power bots, ferocious right-wing spin doctors, homophobic, xenophobic, oppressors of the free press and white men in very influential positions who see her float to the top as an opportunity to again control this country through the same magic and puppetry they enjoyed during the Bush Jr. years. Although, let's be strait, a Palin-lead country would far outflash the Bush years in craziness. That's what scares the bejeezus out of me.

I had a horrifying dream Saturday night that she actually became the President and life as we know it began to crumble.